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GhostWridah release Downtown Lights 2.0 (Remastered) which features new music, better quality audio and a documentary which will be released this afternoon. “We felt it was a necessity to enhance the listening experience for those who enjoy our music. There are a few added gems to the project, hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed making them. Hip hop continues… Be on the look out for visuals from Downtown Lights this coming August.
1. Charlamagne Tha God [Intro]
2. Lights (feat. Earthtones) [Prod by Stroud]
3. Touch Down (Man Of The Year) [Prod by Freeway TJay]
4. Look What I’m Becoming (Brief Intermission) [Prod by Lowkey]
5. Heart Of The City (feat. Brisco, Billy Blue and Nehemie)[Prod by The Inkredibles]
6. Die [Prod by J Rock]
7. I’m On [Prod by Lowkey]
8. Smoke It All Away (feat. Stoney)[Prod by Cozmo]
9. Talk My Shit [Prod by Phoenix Of TSK]
10. I Get It (feat. Brisco) [Prod by Lowkey]
11. Father Forgive Em (feat. Billy Blue) [Prod by Smash]
12. Lost & Found (feat. Jase) [Prod by Freeway TJay]
13. Eyes Closed [Prod by Cameron Wallace]
14. YBA (feat. Nehemie) [Prod by Freeway TJay]
15. Skittles And Iced Tea (feat. Nehemie) [Prod by DJ Relly Rell)
Miami phenom GhostWridah has stepped into his Booth with the latest street release, Downtown Lights. Released in conjunction with the re-launch of Ghostwridah.com and co-Executive Produced by the artist himself along with Gio V. and Leo “Lowkey” Zapata, the project features 12 original records from the longtime Booth fave. Included on the tracklist is reader-approved bonus track “Skittles & Iced Tea.” Joining GhostWridah on the guest tip throughout Downtown Lights are Earthtones, Brisco, Billy Blue, Nehemie, Stoney J., Jase, Young Black and Ambitious. Beats come courtesy of Stroud (of Two Band Geeks), Freeway Tjay, The Inkredibles, J. Rock, Lowkey, Cozmo, Smash and DJ Relly Rell.
DOWNLOAD: LP: Ghostwridah – Downtown Lights
You’ve read the blogs, RT’d the tweets now you see the face. Ladies and gents, I introduce to you….RELLYONSMASH.
If you follow Joe Budden, Yaris and/or Trey Songz? You saw ALL of this transpire before your very eyes. If not? Relly’s entry will explain the blunt of why it’s not safe for your girl’s favorite artist to follow her. Happy Friday!
This topic is way too real for the usual introduction. I gotta dive in and get directly to the point immediately. On Monday, September 12th 2011, I witnessed the most the horrifying shit, that could possibly happen to any man in a relationship. I saw with my own eyes, Trey Songz @ Joe Budden’s girlfriend, and comment on her picture. It wasn’t your ordinary picture comment either, the nigga said “Phenomenal” with a series of suspenseful dots at the end, like he whispered it. He still had 130 characters of thirst left to use too, but Trey knew what he was doing, this shit was professional calculated thirst. It appeared to be harmless, but this one single tender 10 letter word, put fear inside of every guy who has a girlfriend with a Twitter account. Joe Budden is lucky he has a verified check and an in ground heated pool, because if this happened to a regular dude, it would’ve been a WRAP. Let the nigga that claims he “Invented Sex” @ my girl and call her phenomenal, I’m catching a body b.
How could you possibly compete with your girl’s favorite R&B artist, commenting on a twitpic she uploaded? You can’t! The whole entire relationship would be soaked in shambles after that. The more attention a chick gets from celebs on Twitter, the less her man matters to her. If you think your girl is still gonna put up with your shit while her favorite R&B artist is following her….think again. You think a singer that goes by the name, “Mr. Steal Your Girl” gives a fuck about your relationship b? HELL NO. Once these shirtless, high note hittin’ R&B niggas find your girl’s page, and press down on that follow button, it’s closed curtains for you. Her self confidence and cockiness will be at brand spankin’ new heights, that you won’t be able to control. Watch how provocative her twitcons become, after the man that sings her favorite songs, starts following her. Her clothes will get tighter, skirts will be higher, and her text messages will be shorter. Once a good girl gets followed by a verified check, she’s gone forever. If her dream is to meet her favorite R&B artist, a follow back from them only puts her one step closer.
A few years ago, a famous R&B artist having access to your girlfriend was down right impossible. But now? Twitter actually made the shit a TOTAL possibility. There’s thirst going on outside no woman is safe from. And if that thirst is coming from somebody who has a bundle of slow songs in your baby momma’s iPod, say goodbye to the kids. You thought your girl’s ex calling her drunk, after listening to “Marvin’s Room” was scary? Just imagine her and her favorite R&B artist, cuddling in that DM inbox. The thought of niggas like, Chris Brown, Drake or Trey Songz, sending private messages to my girl is absolutely bone chilling. After Trey Songz cut those NBA Live created player braids off, every nigga held his girl closer. They know that their girlfriend would leave them in the rear view mirror for him, if they had the opportunity. I was at the Soul Tape show at SOB’s on Wednesday, and Fab brought this cutthroat menace out on stage. My date handed me her drink, went ballistic, and completely forgot all about me. When he hit the stage, every chick’s boyfriend in the venue became totally nonexistent in a matter of seconds. The shit was unbelievable b. If your girl goes crazy for her favorite singer in front of you, just imagine what she’d do behind your back.
Now when it comes to these niggas that sing soft sentimental tunes, you aren’t defenseless. There are several precautions you can take, that will prevent your girl’s favorite artist from coming within 200 yards of her box. Your job is to build a wall around your girl, and keep her out of her favorite singer’s grasp. So if you don’t want those text messages going from, “I Can’t Wait To See You” to “Come Get Your Shit”, follow any of these instructions.
1. Make Her Report All Her Favorite Artists As Spam
Don’t just tell her to block these niggas, make her report them as spam so she knows that shit ain’t a game. Not only her favorite R&B artists either, rappers too. You don’t want ex drug dealers, with shiny chains and big rims contacting your girl b. If she reports them as spam, no follow buttons can be clicked, no @ replies can be seen, and most importantly the opportunity of sending DMs disappears.
2. Make Her Set Her Account As Private
Lock. Her. Shit. Up. Make her put a padlock on her page, and keep those tweets sealed and protected. With a private Twitter page, nobody can see her tweets unless she accepts your follow request. And if she does end up following her favorite artists, who ever follows back private pages? NOBODY. He won’t be able to see any of her tweets, ever. Doing this, the chances of her favorite R&B artist actually following her, are brought down to slim to no fuckin’ way.
3. Make Her Delete Her Twitter
This is when all the chips are down and everything else fails. Ask her to make her whole entire account vanish from the face of the world wide web. This will, without a doubt, put an end to it all. Without a Twitter page, it is physically impossible for any of these verified heathens to come in contact with your woman. Fuck it, if she loves you she’ll do it. And If your girl chooses a social network site over you, she was cheating on you anyway.
You might look insecure, but you shouldn’t give a fuck. Would you rather look insecure in a relationship, or look depressed while your girl’s booking a flight to stay with her favorite R&B singer? Oh aight cool, didn’t think so. Ok, well I’m outta here, Ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool. Don’t listen to the Weeknd while your drunk and lonely, and never let a nigga with cornrows babysit your loved ones.
Oh, and remember, it’s ok to cheat on him if he plays NBA 2K on starter mode…..#FACT
Sincerely
RellyOnSmash
RIGHT. ON. TIME. FOR. CUFFING. SEASON
First things first, BET must be terminated, I can’t take it anymore. I felt every last one of my ancestors turn in their grave, when I found out Lady Of Rage was going to be in one of the cyphers at the Hip Hop Awards. That was the final remaining straw. Lady Of Rage. The one that rocked rough and stuff with both afro puffs. On my flatscreen. Spittin’ shattering bars of pain at an awards show. The very thought of that makes every last one of my limbs buckle. What did we do to deserve this? Raheem didn’t get shot in Juice for this shit. All I know is, security better be extra tight that night. Because I can tell she eats gunpowder omelets for breakfast, so there’s no telling WHAT the Lady Of Rage might do. But aside from the BET struggle, the NFL season kicking off, and Carter IV going fool’s platinum, there’s realer shit happening out here, or should I say NOT happening. Guys are meeting girls off Twitter, and not getting the box on the 1st date. Unbelievable right? Smh, I know I know. But of course, I’m here to help you.
If she’s been following, and retweeting you for over 3 months, you getting the box the first time ya’ll chill should not be an issue. That’s 90 whole days of tweets, DMs and hopefully Skype chats. You guys practically already met. After 6 months? You two basically fuckin’ go together. These are facts, I have to make sure my check engine light stays off, I don’t have time to sit around and make up lies. I understand though, a lot of chicks are against giving it up on the first date, in fear of looking like a “hoe”. Two things women out there need to stop doing; putting “HoustalantaVegas” as their location, and worrying about what other people think about them. The world would be a better place, trust me. Everybody called Amber Rose a hoe, when her naked pictures were smeared all over the dot coms. You think she cares? No. She continues to plop down in that barber chair, and get fresh worry-free shape ups, without any of you on her mind. It’s 2011, Nicki Minaj let a nipple slip on Good Morning America in front of a sea of innocent white people at 8am, it’s ok to fuck a dude on the first date.
Females know if they’ll have sex with a guy or not at first sight. Any woman with a dental plan and decent credit, will confirm that this is indeed a fact. No chick is impossible to have sex with the first time you chill with them. If the attraction and connection is there, anything could happen on that first night. Remember, when there’s thirst, there’s a way. And Twitter doesn’t do anything but make it THAT much easier. If your tweets are keeping her entertained, with a smile on her face day after day, you already have her marinating in your palms. You really only need 3 things to make sure you seal the deal on the first encounter. With the mixture of laughs, drinks and the right music together, it’s damn near impossible to go home empty handed.
Laughs:
Laughter is the quickest way to the box. If she finds you attractive and you can make her laugh, you already won 75% of the battle. The level of laughter when she retweets you, is the easiest way to tell how easy it’ll be on the first date.
“LOL” = She’s slightly thirsty, but doesn’t quite know how to make it known yet.
“LMAO” = The tweet really made her laugh out loud, and now you have her full and undivided attention.
“LMFAO” = She want you to parallel park inside the box.
Any additional amount of Os, indicates that the level of thirst has reached elevated heights, and the box will be available the first time you meet her. If you can put as many smiles on her face in person, as you do on Twitter, you’ll be shooting 100% from the field the whole night b.
Alcohol:
A bottle of her favorite alcoholic beverage, should definitely lead you to the promise land during that first night with her. Liquor in her system will allow her to be more open, let her hair down and become more comfortable with you. Premium alcohol though, no Burnett’s, E&J, or any other poverty liquids. Preferably Patron, girls fall victim to their precious Patron every night. There’s not too many situations where you can’t come out a winner, with Patron at your fingertips. A bottle of Patron could pull you clean out of the friend zone, without a scratch, in 45 minutes or less. It’s like the game winning shot in a bottle. A full proof way to make your mission complete. And she won’t even feel bad about giving up the box on the first night at this point. For the simple fact that she knows blaming it on the alcohol is now an option.
Music:
In addition to laughs and drinks, if you add music to the mix, failure will be non-existent. You need the right set of tender tunes playing in the background to set the mood perfectly. The-Dream’s 1977, the Weeknd’s Thursday or House of Balloons, Frank Ocean’s Nostalgia, Ultra, all this is perfect 1st date music. This is the type of shit you should throw on, if you want to gain the access codes to the box. No rap music, unless it’s Drake. Drake’s welcoming, light skinned melodies could definitely help the box present itself with open arms on the first night. And definitely, no music from any hoodlums with felonies should be played. Any nigga playing a Meek Mill mixtape on the first date with a chick, is definitely leaving with a rape charge.
So there you have it, laughs + alcohol + the right music, is sure-fire formula to get a 1st class trip to the box on the first night. If you meet a girl off Twitter, and you still can’t close the deal with a bottle of Patron, and House Of Balloons playing, you my friend are the definition of a dirt bag. And if she ever retweeted Plies, don’t even bother, her box is tainted for absolute eternity. Aight, well I’m outta here, my work here is done, ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool. By the way, this is my 16th blog and Lowkey still has his goddamn Christmas tree up. If any terrorist activity pops off on 9/11, it’s his fault.
Oh, and remember, it’s not cheating if your relationship status on Facebook still says single……#FACT
Sincerely
Iiight, Relly it’s show time…
First off, Irene, Hurricane Irene, FUCK YOU! It’s Friday and the power STILL isn’t on in my crib. Ever since you infiltrated my city, my life has been jam packed with nothing but torture and struggle. Not your ordinary struggle either, I’m talking raw, uncut, and unadulterated struggle. Do you know what pain is? Pain is having shrimp fried rice, and a bottle of water for dinner, next to a candle. Do you know how depressing it is, for a grown ass man to strike a match, and light a candle b? DO YOU?! It’s the loneliest shit ever. How about a flashlight with the batteries dying, being your only source of illumination, while you take a cold shower after work? I feel like a homeless nigga with a house key. It is beyond real out here, completely non-fictional. It’s almost impossible to stay awake in a house this dark. I’m the only one out of all my friends that drives a car with heated seats, I don’t deserve this shit. Well that’s enough of my agony tales. There’s a bunch of things going on out here that I need to touch on. Too many for me to narrow down with one topic, so this will be a no-holds barred, random rant. If you have a problem with anything I’m about to say, I do not wanna hear it if you wore a pair of denim shorts this summer.
Wednesday, August 31st, T.I. is released from prison. Thursday, September 1st, T.I. is back in federal custody. I was swimming in tears when I read this, I swear to you. This nigga T.I. wasn’t out of prison long enough to take his jacket off, and enjoy a full episode of Law & Order. The Racks On Racks remix wasn’t even half way finished, and he was back in custody. All because he wanted to ball out, and take a luxurious tour bus to his halfway house. They should’ve never gave you niggas freedom.
Lil’ Wayne’s out here at award shows, dancing around in Cruella Deville jeggings. That right there alone let me further know, that niggas with dreads will never be trusted. Wayne is the only person I ever seen play air guitar with a REAL guitar, on some real live Zach Morris, Saved By The Bell shit. And aside from that performance, let’s talk about these Carter IV sale projections. Sale projections come from how many units the artist sold on the first day the album was released. The original projection was 700k the first day, then I saw another report of 850k, and last night I saw 975k. This shit doesn’t even begin to add up. Out of all the sale projections for albums I ever seen, I never once saw the numbers jump up damn near 300k. This whole thing is HIGHLY suspect to me. Somebody is definitely out there purchasing all these albums, and I guarantee the culprit has a red starfish tattooed on his scalp, *Insert bird call here*.
Drake said Rick Ross’s next album compares to Doggystyle and Ready To Die. Now I fuck with Rick Ross, so that comparison didn’t even bother me. This direct quote from Mr. Bathwater did, “That God Forgives I Don’t; the only way I can describe it is like Doggystyle or Ready to Die or Clipse Lord Willin’ or any of the albums that I collected and held on to as a kid.” Ok, does anybody believe that Drake held on to the Ready To Die album as a kid? Doggystyle? The answers are hell and no. I’m not believing for one second that an early aged, tender Aubrey Graham, was listening to “Machine Gun Funk” or “Bitches Ain’t Shit”. At that age, I’ll bet cold hard cash that Drake wasn’t allowed to be within 20 feet of a parental advisory sticker.
When I see celebrities without verified checks, I automatically assume their car has cloth interior. Either that or they’re behind on child support. If I seen you in HD on my flatscreen, and you don’t even have a verified check on your twitter account, I want an apology when I see you. If twitter ever fucked up and gave me a verified check, all absolute hell would break loose. Niggas think I’m Hollywood now, wait till that baby blue check is next to my name. I’m not even signaling when I switch lanes anymore, just gonna cut off cars with the utmost swag.
Is it just me or do all girls from the Bronx dress like they have mixtapes coming out? I don’t know what it is, but I can’t walk past any of them without the fear of a demo being slipped inside the back of my Levis.
The comment section in last week’s blog looked like Pearl Harbor. Shit was a light skinned girls vs dark skinned girls steel cage match. Look, you can’t let somebody’s personal preference get you upset. It’s their PERSONAL preference. Every dude doesn’t like light skinned chicks, just like every dude doesn’t like dark skinned chicks. How can you possibly be mad at what another person is attracted to? I don’t get it, maybe if Shyne didn’t spit that verse on the Carter IV, you’d all be thinking clearly.
Ladies, NBA 2k12 drops next month, let your man be free for at least 2 weeks after the release date. That means 14 days of no nagging, no complaining, and no asking about the bitches he retweets. If you see your man on Facebook, commenting on a chick’s photo that you don’t like, Let. That. Shit. Slide. No man needs that type of stress while he’s working on his My Player’s NBA career. It’s just not fair.
Aight, I think that’s about enough of my random antics. Those are just a few things I had to get off my pectorals b. And if my power isn’t back on by tomorrow, don’t be surprised to read about me catching a body. It’s only so long a nigga can get dressed in the dark before he totally snaps. I’m outta here, y’all be cool how y’all be cool.
Oh, and remember, if she’s not afraid to take her shoes off in the club she’s not afraid to poke holes in your condom……#FACT
Sincerely
RellyOnSmash
Says RellyOnSmash,
I just wanna apologize to everybody for not dropping a blog last week. Another blogger out there, unknowingly made a post with the same idea that I had, so I decided to scrap mine. Instead of scrambling to think of a whole new topic at the last minute, I thought the best option would be to not post one at all. In my opinion, disappointing with no blog is a better look than disappointing with a weak blog. I have 100s of light skinned women, with pretty feet and good credit, waiting to read my shit every Friday. You think I’m gonna risk posting a wack blog? Fuck outta here b. But anyway, nevermind all that shit, a hurricane is coming, DMX got arrested again and cuffing season is approaching. Summer is officially over in 4 weeks, the weather’s only going to get more colder. With the combination of The Weeknd’s Thursday mixtape and this storm watch, #LonelyTweets are fucking phenomenal right now. It’s about that time to narrow down the chick’s in your stable, and start looking for some cuffing candidates. Think of this time as, the Cuffing Season Draft.
Face it, nobody wants to be by themselves in the winter time. You don’t wanna have to wake up alone, and eat a TV dinner for breakfast in 30 degree weather. To avoid this happening, the person you’re cuffing should be picked out before the first snowflake even comes in contact with the ground. Once the trees in your neighborhood start getting stripped of their leaves, you should have a target in your thirsty sights. Now you might be asking yourself, “How Do I Figure Out Which One To Cuff?”. The answer is in her iPod. “Her iPod?”. YES nigga, her iPod. The artists on a chick’s iPod can tell you all about her. I know I know, shit sounds crazy right? Trust me, it all makes sense when you think about it.
First of all if she has over 1,000 followers on Twitter, she’s canceled out, don’t cuff her. She’s doing too much, and has way too many parched hooligans in her mentions when she uploads new pictures. You don’t want to be dealing with no extra niggas b. Now, here’s a list of artist that should send a red flag if you see them on her iPod. If you scroll through the artist list on her iPod and find any of these rappers, DO. NOT. CUFF. HER.
Waka Flocka:
If you see Waka Flocka on her iPod delete her number immediately. A chick that will listen to a whole Waka Flocka album on her free time, is most likely a convicted felon. When I think of female Waka Flocka fans I imagine eviction notices, water beds and court appearances. You can’t possibly get a good night’s sleep laying next to woman with “Luv Dem Gun Sounds” on her iPod b.
Plies:
Do you really wanna be laying down next to a bussit baby this winter? A chick with Plies on her iPod won’t enroll their kid into preschool, but will make sure she makes it to the club in time to get in free. You can’t tell me her shower curtain liner isn’t filthy, if she took the time out to sync Plies songs to her iPod on purpose.
Travis Porter:
If Travis Porter is on her iPod she’s a hoe, #FACT. These niggas make absolutely nothing but strip club, and picking up prostitute anthems. You can’t trust girls with Travis Porter on their iPods at all. These are the type of women that’ll have sex with their best friend’s man, then turn around and give her relationship advice.
Gucci Mane:
Scroll through the Gs in the artist section on her iPod. If you see Gucci Mane, fake like you just got a family emergency call, and vacate the premises smoothly. You can’t place the winter time cuffs on the wrists of a Gucci Mane fan. The song “Freaky Gurl” being on her playlist tells it all. She’s untrustworthy, devious, secretive and takes her phone with her in the bathroom when she goes to take a shower. Totally uncuffable.
Lil Boosie:
Just imagine how horrible the box must be if she enjoys the sound of Lil Boosie coming through her iPod headphones. If she can sit through an entire Lil Boosie album, she will never know what wedding bells sound like. A nigga doing 75 years in prison, for 1st degree murder, on her iPod just SCREAMS fatal attraction. If you decide to cuff a Boosie fan, it’s suicide. She’ll threaten your whole entire family if you tweet before texting her back.
There you have it my niggas, these are the 5 artists that will separate the cuffworthy from the untrustworthy. You don’t want to be settling down during cuffing season, with a chick that has these artists sprinkled throughout her iPod. You want a girl with a bunch artists like Kanye West, Jay-Z and Drake. Shit that lets you know she has a car with leather seats, a job with health benefits, and a 401K plan. Aight, well this is Relly aka Cuff Master Flex aka Sean Cuffy Combs, signing off. Ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool. And if you don’t own a pair of Beats By Dr. Dre headphones your opinion about anything doesn’t matter, because you don’t even hear shit clearly.
Oh, and remember, if she sends you a friend request on Facebook during the hurricane there is now a “Help Wanted” sign on the box….#FACT
5 days of riding on a quarter tank of gas, with no shape up while gazing at the throne, made me realize how broke Jay-Z & Kanye West really can make you feel. And to make things worse, I just watched these two in the “Otis” video, treat a brand new Maybach like a car in the bonus round of Street Fighter 2. A 40 year old multi-millionaire, with a snapback and a blowtorch. If that’s not the epitome of swag, I don’t know what is. But while I’m listening to “Watch The Throne” with the gas light shining bright in my face, I realized something. Some poor rapper out there right now, just met a chick off Twitter and feels nothing but disappointment and deceit. Last week I gave you the guidelines on how to avoid embarrassment behind the DM backlots, now I have to warn you about these fallacious twitcons scattered about in these treacherous streets.
I’m going to keep it absolutely real with y’all, ever since Photoshop was invented, 75% of fat girls stopped going to the gym. It’s a fact b, ask Jeeves if you don’t believe me. Why go to the gym when they can look how they wanna look with just a few clicks of a computer mouse? With the combination of Photoshop and taking a picture from a mysterious angle, fat girls have the ability to appear as everything BUT fat.
They’ll take a picture from the side, with their other arm conveniently covering their stomach, and you foolish coons fall for it every time. Or ALL their pictures are taken from the collarbone up, and you niggas STILL take that road trip to meet them. You niggas gotta smarten up. I’m not gonna front, in my early Twitter days I made a rookie mistake, a pure novice error. I went out and met a girl off of ONE twitcon. No twitpics, no pictures sent to my phone, she reeled me in with just one measly twitcon b. Not to mention it was just a head shot. I know I know, the thirst took over me I couldn’t help it, it was the best head shot off ALL time! But of course, she looked NOTHING like how she did on my timeline. So I had no choice but to report her as spam, and flea the scene abruptly. That’s what you do when you meet a chick offline that looks better online, you report her directly to those spam offices for false identity. This is what Jesus would expect you to do.
Enlarging a twitcon is just like when the lights come in the club, it’s the moment of truth. But now these hoes have new tactics, a new trick up their sleeve they use to fool us all, and it’s all in one single application…..Instagram. An iPhone app handcrafted by God himself, put here to give all unattractive women across the globe, hope and a new life. Shit is realer than ever right now, and they are NOT playing fair. Not only do regular niggas like me have to be careful, but so do you rappers.
You guys are the biggest targets in the sea of potential victims. “Objects in twitcon are less desirable than they appear “, we all need to live by these words when we sign in to our Twitter accounts. You niggas can’t rely all your thirst on one single twitcon b. You should know that her default picture is her BEST picture at the time, and she probably needed 5 or 6 attempts to make it perfect. In order to get a real idea of what she looks like in person, you have to dig deeper than the profile pic.
Twitpic, Lockerz, Yfrog, whatever service she uses to upload pictures for her followers to see, that’s what you should be swimming through before you backflip off the high-dive into her DMs. This is where all the proof is, body pics, photos of her out with her friends, everything.
Pictures of her out partying are your best bet. She’s not making several attempts to make her face look good from a perfect angle in these. These pictures are mostly 1 shot deals. If she doesn’t look attractive in these, lock her away behind the unfollowed tombs. Along with twitpic history, if she has a Facebook link in her bio, somersault over there and request her immediately. Not only is her library of photos bigger on Facebook, but you can tell if she’s a hoe or not by the niggas she lets post on her wall. This is all fact, I wouldn’t lie to you. #CheckHerTwitpicsBeforeYouFollow, #SkypeBeforeYouMeetHer, simple procedures everybody should follow before meeting someone off Twitter.Com.
Aight, well I’m outta here yo, I still gotta find the twitter pages that belong to all the girls in the backseat of that Maybach in the Otis video. And I STILL haven’t started to saw the roof and the doors off the Nissan yet. Ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool.
Oh, and remember, you will never be wifey material if your wifi doesn’t have a passcode…..#FACT
Sincerely
Oh, the Direct Message. Take it away, Relly!
Shit is getting incredibly real out here ladies and gentlemen. Shit is real, in and all the way around the field right now. J. Cole songs are making people fall asleep at the wheel, causing pile ups across the nation, DMX & Busta Rhymes just unleashed 3 and a 1/2 minutes of audio terrorism on the “Otis” beat, and your man Lowkey still has a goddamn Christmas tree up in the middle of August. Yo if you walk into anybody’s house in the middle of the summer, and they still have a Christmas tree up….call the fuckin’ cops b. Anyway, that’s not even the worst of what’s going on in these terrifying streets. The type of shit happening deep inside of the DM underground railroad is what’s remarkably breathtaking.
Money is the root of all evil right? Nope! DMs on Twitter are. We all are familiar with the diabolical DM button, a.k.a the home of the behind the curtain backstage thirst. The place where victims of the spine tingling screen cap are embarrassed on our timeline’s at least twice a week. The place where we go to whisper “private” sweet nothings to the twitcons we fall in lust with.
Well a couple days ago, while I was cruising down DM boulevard with a full tank of thirst, @JoeBudden posted a tweet that sent a cold sharp chill through my body. I knew shit was dangerous behind those DM back blocks, but I had no idea shit was THAT fuckin’ real! Luckily, I wasn’t the poor soul Joe Budden caught slippin. But it made me realize, you really have absolutely no idea who the person truly is on the receiving end of those parched DMs. It really could be ANYBODY. At that point, I had no choice but to take immediate precautions before my DMs were dusted for finger prints.
You niggas ain’t gonna see me on an episode of Thirst 48, no way no how. But the thing is, I’m just a regular nigga with unpaid parking tickets that enjoys Simply Lemonade raspberry and Apple products. Even though a few people might have to get shot, me getting my DMs exposed wouldn’t be career ruining like it could be for a famous rapper.
See, Joe Budden had the power to expose whoever the dehydrated culprit was to the world, but he chose to keep it tucked underneath his durag tail. In situations similar to this, a lot of you out there weren’t so lucky, and had your thirsty little secrets leaked to the masses. Remember what happened to Young Dro? This had to be the thirstiest shit I ever laid my two eyes on. You can’t even read those messages without getting cotton-mouth. You rappers out there do NOT want this to be you. Just ask yourself this one question. What would you rather have leak, your album or your DMs?….Yeah I thought so.
A lot of girls on Twitter are out here looking for that come up, and you rappers with incriminating DMs are the easiest targets. Do. Not. Be. A. Victim. You rappers move a few units and sell out a couple venues and think you’re untouchable, nah b. Anybody can be a victim if they don’t tip toe and thirst carefully with caution. I know you’re asking yourself, “How Do I Thirst With Caution?” Easy, anybody with a GED and basic math skills can follow the #3ThirstCommandments to avoid the infrared screen cap beam.
The #3ThirstCommandments can bring down the chances of you getting exposed, or DMing a girl that’s really a nigga in a 8-ball jacket and corduroy slacks. This has all been scientifically proven in the direct message medical lab. So trust me, all this shit is full proof.
#1 VocalThirst
Get her on the phone and make sure the chick you fell in thirst with doesn’t have a voice that’s deeper than yours. You don’t want anything incriminating to be in fine print and capable of being screen capped. Hoes out here are magical wizards when it comes to Photoshop, and being on a phone doesn’t even leave that possibility open.
#2 VisualThirst
Get her on Skype, Oovo, iChat or FaceTime. Your video chat options are damn near endless, use them wisely. If she refuses to video chat with you, vacate her DMs and report HIM as a spam and cheese omelet. If she doesn’t want to Skype, she’s really a man out on parole, this is a #FACT.
#3 InPersonThirst
The absolute safest form of thirst transportation. Live and in the flesh thirst is the best thirst. This reduces ALL chance of getting screen capped and exposed down to 0%. Get her to meet you in person in a public location, so you can know for sure she’s not really a 6’7″ power forward.
It’s that simple my niggas. The #3ThirstCommandments will help keep you from ever stepping foot inside the screen cap boobie traps that reside in the DM jungle. Just know that every pretty faced chick in your mentions isn’t your friend. Some of them have nothing but intentions of exposing you and getting the attention they desperately crave. It’s a cold world out here on these Twitter streets, just be careful who you DM.
Aight well I’m outta here, ya’ll be cool how ya’ll be cool. And if you see Plies anywhere near any recording equipment, do me a favor and shut down the electricity in the whole entire building.
Oh, and remember, if you take her out to breakfast after a one night stand ya’ll go together….#FACT
Better late than never, right? We weren’t going to let our readers start their weekend off without taking in the wonderful words from our boy Relly. So, here we have it, his 11th blog, “Your Favorite Rapper Isn’t Perfect“. Oh, and please don’t hurt him, we have mixed babies to make. – Jackie Betty
Hey, it’s me, me Relly, hey. Yeah, I’m writing this blog drunk as fuck right now, drunk as every fuck. Not to mention, I’m also barefooted. But that’s when my dopest ideas come pouring through the floodgates, when all 10 toes are exposed and enjoying life. Don’t worry, I’m not with the sidechick. She hardly even knows what I look like without a hat on, never mind no socks. But that’s neither here nor there. I’m here to be the bearer of bad news to all of you hip hop fans out there living in denial. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this but…..Your favorite rapper? He isn’t fuckin’ perfect b, not by a long shot.
We all have seen our favorite basketball player have a bad game. We also have seen our favorite actor play in a terrible movie. So why is it so hard for a lot of you fans to admit it when your favorite rapper puts out an album that’s only good for breaking weed up on? Or put a mixtape out that immediately deserves the “click and drag to the recycling bin” treatment. You weak niggas can never face the fact when the rapper you love, releases something that’s trash and drenched in disappointment.
Deep down, I bet there were times where you actually agreed with the people calling your favorite rapper’s new record wack. But what do y’all do? You force yourself to like it anyway because you can’t stand to see your idol fail.Then you get emotional, and start tweeting at speeds we never knew existed when someone like myself has an opinion you don’t agree with. So fuck it, since y’all don’t want to admit it, I have to be the one to drag you niggas down that ice cold path of reality.
I took it upon myself to point out EXACTLY when 3 of the game’s most honored rappers slipped up and put out sweltering hot garbage. Don’t like it? Fight me then. Just know that if you win I’m making all 11,000 of my followers report you as spam so you can’t get the story out.
Artist: Nas
Album: “Nastradamus”
Yup, the Nastradamus album is a prime example of when your precious Nas disappointed the masses. I’ve actually saw Nas fans defend this album like they really didn’t know this record was 15 tracks of pure eviction notice music. This is the album you listen to after your car gets repossessed. Face it Nas fans, this is CLEARLY your favorite rapper’s worst album, no debating!
Artist: Jay-Z
Album: “Blueprint 2″
Now I can easily say Jay-Z is the greatest rapper of all time. But that doesn’t mean he never put out an album that should’ve never touched the shelves of a CD section. As soon as I heard Sean Paul do the heel toe through my speakers, I knew right then and there that it was a wrap. Like I always say, if this album was 1 disc it would’ve been a classic. But the amount of tender tunes on this double disc record made that impossible.
Artist: Eminem
Album: “Relapse”
Pure trash, point blank period. This is what he gave us after a 5 year hiatus and let down millions. If any song from this album comes up on shuffle while your girl is in the car, you can consider the relationship totally finished b.
The list could go on and on from Cam’ron’s “Crime Pays”, to 50 Cent’s “Curtis”, to Lil’ Wayne’s “Carter 3″. Face it, your favorite rapper has disappointed one time or another. You die hard fans just have to stop being afraid to admit it.
Aight, well it’s time for me to moonwalk the fuck up outta here. I’m sure this hurt a lot of feelings and the death threats will be coming in at 80mph once this goes up. Y’all be cool how y’all be cool.
Oh and remember. Any grown man that has an iPod Shuffle will be a registered sex offender by the age of 30……#FACT
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